[Moriah] What It's Like...

What it's like to get ready for bed while 34 weeks pregnant. Enjoy! :)



First, clumsily take off day-time clothes and trip over yourself while trying to bend over to put on pajama shorts. Brace yourself against the wall so as not to lose your balance and fall over. After the shorts are on, stretch the pajama shirt over your protruding belly. Go potty again, because it's been a full 15 minutes since the last time you went.



Next, while brushing and flossing teeth, remember to give your large belly enough room when bending over to rinse your mouth so as not to crush Baby against the sink. Concede to the fact that you WILL either drip toothpaste down your pajama shirt or get water all over it after bending over the edge of the sink. It is unavoidable, so get used to it if you aren't already. You should realize by now that it'll be worse when Baby comes anyway. You'll not only have toothpaste and water all over your shirt, but you can add breastmilk, spit-up, drool and your own spilled food to that list as well.



It's now time to begin the getting-in-bed process, but first you must make sure your pile of pillows is moved to Daddy's side of the bed in order to make room for you. They will be rearranged after you've successfully made it from a standing to a laying position. Now, carefully, crawl onto the bed on all fours and slowly ease yourself onto your side. Easy now, not too fast or you'll strain a muscle! When you're settled on your side, have Daddy help you arrange your pile of pillows to fully support your body: one under your head, a small pillow or wedge under your bulging belly to keep the weight from straining your back, a nice cushy pillow between your knees to align your hips and perhaps one behind the small of your back, which does not exactly feel "small" anymore.



As soon as the pillows are arranged, the lights have been turned off and Daddy has gotten settled into bed and is near dreamland, you feel a terrible burning sensation in your stomach and throat. Oh yes, the pregnancy acid reflux. You know you won't be able to sleep unless you take something, but you're all arranged in your pile of pillows and don't want to have to attempt the whole getting-out-of-bed process to get the papaya enzyme (or Tums, if you prefer). What to do? "Dear? Can I please have some papaya enzyme? My stomach is really burning." Daddy, now pulled out of his near-sleep, graciously gets out of bed, retrieves what you need, helps you sit up to take it, props all your pillows around you once you've laid back down and crashes back into bed.



Okay, now you're all set...or so you think. You suddenly realize, this side is not comfortable! You need to turn over onto your other side or you'll never get any sleep. Begin the turning process. Trying not to disturb Daddy too much, you pull each individual pillow over to your opposite side before you actually move your body. But just as you go to turn onto your back, a Braxton Hicks contraction begins. You feel your whole abdomen tighten into a hard knot and you practice the breathing techniques you learned to help prepare for the real contractions. The contraction eases and you slowly turn onto your back so you don't strain your stretched ab muscles. It now feels like you have a watermelon in your belly and it pushes on your lower back as you turn. You try to hurry the turn to your other side, but as you push against the bed with your foot (which you're using to turn over, since you can't use your ab muscles to pull your body), you feel a major charlie horse creep up your calf. You must stop your turn and flex your foot to release the muscle or you won't be able to walk in the morning. Once you have the charlie horse under control, you finish turning to your other side. You rearrange your pile of pillows the best you can, shift your heavy body around a few times to get in just the right position, take a deep relaxing breath and begin to fall asle...



Wait, what was that? Oh no, Baby decides it's time to do a little gymnastics in your tummy. Mommy didn't really want to sleep, did she? You feel him moving around, kicking and squirming, and try your best to enjoy it yet ignore it so you can actually get some sleep. But after a few minutes, all his moving around has put lots of pressure on your bladder. "Oh no," you realize, "I have to go potty again..."